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Chandra, over at Pics and Posts, wrote a review of In Search of a Salve, for which I am very grateful. I usually don’t respond to these, but hers was a bit different, and I felt a reply was required. Please see my answers below:
Garland shows us trauma doesn’t just begin with one individual. It has a long history. She skillfully outlines the devastation of trauma and how it weaves its way through generations and impacts present life. Thank you, Chandra. Part of my purpose for writing Salve was to demonstrate how trauma can influence us before we utter our first word. Though I didn’t use the term epigenetics, I showed it in the chapter called, “Joyce,” which was about my biological mother. A baby can begin life stressed, simply from being connected to her mother and her mother’s mother. Candor! Unabashed, unflinching honesty—without apology. When one sees the full title, I’m sure all sorts of salacious thoughts about the book’s content are conjured. However, Garland was tasteful in her “tell all” approach. She leaves readers with no reason to “cover their eyes.” Thank you for this acknowledgement. I have two young adult daughters and I’m still married to “Brent.” I wanted to be as tasteful as possible, while still showing the chokehold of sex addiction and hypersexuality. The book illustrates very plainly the hard work required for healing. Garland makes it clear that the work of healing from trauma is difficult and ongoing. She probably has to deal with a lot of flak from family and friends who feel she reveals too much in her book, but this project is about her journey and her healing. To be honest, my immediate family functions a bit different than the norm. My youngest daughter, for example, read the book cover-to-cover, came to me with a list of questions, and recited a poem she wrote called, “I Am My Mother; My Mother Am I” at the book release. She posted about the book on social media and damn-near begged her friends to read it; two of them did, and of those two, one sent me several questions. Only one family member had a hard time processing that I was going to reveal so much to the public. I’ll let you guess who that could’ve been. Outside of my immediate family, my father’s side of the family, several cousins, and friends have been hella supportive. I’ve only heard from one person on my mother’s side, and that is “Grandma Hunny.” Her comments were largely negative, rude, and disrespectful. I’ll briefly share a few of her thoughts next month. Salve demonstrates how we can appear perfectly “normal” and “well” while fighting fierce demons inside. Garland had a lot of questions for which she needed answers and those questions left her feeling fragile and alone, but those closest to her often missed this, perhaps because she projected a different person to them. Her book requires that we let go of our illusions of who people are. This sounds like a question. My short answer is we see who we want to see. The longer answer is this: what occurred is a matter of both/and/both. An early expectation was set that I should suck it up and ignore any negative emotion; consequently, I became a master at hiding my feelings; however, I was no master manipulator. A lot of friends and family saw what they wanted to see, instead of what was sometimes in front of them. Also, each of us has our own barometer of what we think “okay” looks like. There were times when my behavior and emotions were not a secret, but people used their own barometer to determine what “okay” looked like to them. Again, I learned early on that no one wanted to see my tears or my pain, so it became second nature to portray what I knew everyone wanted to see, thus both/and/both. Salve is well-written and free of egregious errors and grammatical mishaps perpetrating as poetic license or trendy. I know that’s not important to everyone, but as an English professor/grammarian, it’s vexing [for me] to read books replete with errors (Sorry–not sorry—if I sound like a snob). Girl. THANK YOU for acknowledging this. I read a lot of books, and even the best traditionally published ones have errors. The worst indie books have so many that you can barely get through the story. It’s distracting. My editor read this book six times, and I read it twice as many. Fun fact, after she sent me the copy editor’s version, I found 50+ errors. We went through each and every one, because…no ma’am, Pam. Error-free is just as important to me as it is to you. I want the reader to enjoy the story, not wonder what I meant due to improper grammar and usage. The pace. Garland warned me to pace myself when I said I would read Salve over the Christmas holidays, but the pace and cadence of her work kept me riveted. I couldn’t stop reading it! And, because I have little time to read “for pleasure,” it’s wonderful when I can knock a book out in a day or two. Garland’s right though. This book is not a quick read for the”faint of heart.” Because of my academic work and writing, I read a lot about insanity, trauma, and violence, so I have developed a deeper tolerance for the heavy topics she broaches. Not one person has listened to me when I warn them not to binge read. Not one lol Garland gives fullness and depth to the people in her life. It is difficult to see them as simple cogs in her story. She makes us want to know their stories too. Thank you for noticing this, as well. I’ve read so many memoirs where it’s like someone’s sounding off about their family, spouse, or whoever. That’s not a memoir; it’s a journal. I also wrote it this way because, in real life, I tried to understand everyone’s background. For example, it seemed if I could just figure out my father’s life story, then I would understand why he functioned the way he did. Unfortunately, there are some stories we’ll never know. Bonus answer: Black Boy is one of my favorite memoirs, and I think it should be required reading for all United States citizens. That is a high bar, indeed, and I appreciate you mentioning the great, Richard Wright in a review about my work.
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