My first book review EVER! To be quite honest I don’t read many books at all. I’m more into reading blogs more so than picking up a book. But this book has me some type of way! It’s hard for one book to keep my attention span occupied. That’s why you should be extremely shocked that I’m writing this review!
This book was written by a dear friend of mine, Dr. K E Garland. Before I ever read this book she intrigued me with her blog. She always posts about real moments, truth. There’s an honesty about her that captivates me with her writing. As I’ve said before, she touches your soul in this book and even in her blog.
Don’t let the name of the book scare you. When my book first arrived my husband got it out of the mail box and opened it up and his response was “Um, are you trying to tell me something?” I think I snorted with laughter when he asked me that. Let me tell you, this isn’t just for women, a lot of men can take something very meaningful from this book. My husband even read it and enjoyed it.
So, again, this is a little different than the books I usually read as this is a collection of short stories. However, they were very good stories and lessons. As a woman, there are certain things that society pushes on us, marriage being one of them. The reasons why people get married or stay married are all their own. But through these stories I found that women have settled, ignored their intuition, addicted to marriage, or even relinquished their power in their marriages.
Visit Tania's blog to read more.
This is a book that will do nothing less than touch your soul. As soon as you read the title you already have an idea of all the issues you’re going to read about and will be getting yourself prepared for an emotional journey.
The opening lines of this book is a super-powerful quote that will immediately have your mind racing and thoughts working over-time, but that’s not all, this book is filled with such quotes and painful but never truer words from beginning to end.
The book is divided into three parts. The Voiceless Wife, The Detached Wife and The Committed Wife, in which the true stories of 12 women are divided into, like the blurb says. This book deals with a lot of issues when it comes to marriage, from religion, love, cheating, adultery, devotion, commitment, children, parents, divorce, barrenness, funds etc.
Read more of Lara's review on her blog.
Many people ask, "How can you write a book called The Unhappy Wife, when you are a happy wife?" Well, for the couple of decades that we've been married, Dwight's been a great husband. For some of that time, however, I was unhappy, but didn’t understand why. Here are three not-so-simple steps that helped me and I hope they’ll help you too.
Know your SELF. Knowing your self is an integral first step. For a long time, I thought I knew myself. I knew I liked birthday parties and seafood. But that’s not what I mean. You have to know who you are at the core. For me, the realization came when I did a relationship meditation. One of the reflection questions was what are you afraid of? When I stopped to think about it, I feared that there must be something wrong with me. The realization was a culmination of abandonment from my biological mother, adopted mother, and adopted father. I was afraid that if I were to really be my SELF, then I would discover that there must be something terribly wrong with me. Consequently, I lived half-committed to married life for fear that one day Dwight would leave too, just like everyone else. This just wasn’t the truth.
Love your SELF. Loving your self might sound cliché, but it’s the only way to have a healthier relationship with your spouse. Kind of like birthday parties and seafood, I also thought I loved myself. But, again I was wrong. I loved my identity. My self-esteem was inflated by years of external validation. You’re so pretty. You’re so smart. You’re so witty. Deep down inside no one would suspect that I felt like shit because of the abandonment described above. I was adept at covering it up with my big smile, big vocabulary and big personality. Once I faced my fear, then I took an objective look at my experiences. My biological mother gave me up for adoption because of her circumstances; my adopted mother passed away because of her circumstances; and my adopted father gave up parental rights because of his circumstances. Of course their lives affected me, but I stopped taking each event personally. I learned to love me, irrespective of anything external. Over time, I developed self worth based on simply being a human being. I’m not important because I have three degrees. I’m important simply because I am alive here on this earth.
Be your SELF. I was like many women who have chosen to marry. Because I didn’t know or love my self, I entered my nuptials not being myself. Consequently, my issues manifested through infidelity. What does that have to do with being yourself, you might ask? Well, I knew that I struggled with being faithful before and after I said, I do, but I kept this information hidden for a while because I didn’t understand the root cause: fear of abandonment. Today, I’m different, and subsequently, my marriage is too. Instead of making decisions out of childhood fears, now I’m free to be my true SELF by making conscious choices aligned with who I am in this world.
Currently, I’m a content person, who knows and loves her SELF and who is 100% authentic with her SELF, her spouse and everyone else.
Interested in reading short stories based on real-life events of wives like me? Pre-order a copy of my eBook version of The Unhappy Wife. And if you should find that your own life resonates with one of these lady’s stories, then maybe it’s time to work on your SELF.
(Paperback available October 20, 2016).
Dr. Katherin E Garland (writer/ academic / blogger / my friend) has just published The Unhappy Wife, a book of short stories based on the real lives of 12 women in marital discontent.
The closest I’ve come to marriage is having a partner who is a wedding photographer. With or without the ring, however, relationships have their ups and downs: sometimes they work; sometimes we invest in the work to make them work; sometimes we walk away; and sometimes, we remain – unhappily.
Over the weekend, Kathy and I chatted about her book, the writing process, and insights on love and relationships.
How did the concept for the book come about?
Many of my male friends and family members couldn’t understand why their wives were so unhappy. They felt they were doing everything they were “supposed” to, such as paying bills, but their wives were so sad. Reflecting on my own marriage and unhappiness, I also realized I had a story that needed to be heard, so I decided to write the book.
The women share quite intimate details of their lives. How did you gain their trust?
During my doctoral studies, I learned qualitative methods, such as interview techniques. For example, asking open-ended questions helped the women open up, so that came in handy. I also talked to them as if we were good girlfriends. A lot of the conversations felt like two women having coffee or drinks, while talking about their lives.
What was your writing / interviewing process?
I conducted recorded interviews with each woman either in person or over the phone. Conversations lasted 1- 3 hours depending on the woman. If it was over the phone, I also took notes. It took approximately two weeks to write up, revise, research certain parts, and fictionalize characters. I sent drafts to everyone, followed by one revision before calling it a final draft. Of course, once my editor got a hold of it, parts changed further.
Is there a common thread in the making/ breaking of a relationship that connects these women’s stories?
What’s common is that a majority of the women ignored their intuition and it ended up hurting them in the end. I can’t say there’s a common thread in the breaking of the relationship, because the relationships didn’t/don’t end similarly. That is the beauty of this book.
Readers will be interested to know you’re one of The Unhappy Wives. How has that candour affected your marriage?
READ MORE HERE!
Originally published on https://10000hoursleft.wordpress.com/2016/08/09/the-unhappy-wife/